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Adversity – Learn or Drown?
You have a choice; ask for help
Tunabudget believes you have a choice in how you deal with adversity, and that you should ask for help. Adversity may result in you needing assistance because you’re unable to do it all by yourself; you really can’t do it all yourself anyway, right? People want to help those in need; it’s what being human is all about. It seems like adversity in one form or another will likely hit just about everyone at some point in their lives. Indeed, who will escape adversity? Why do you think adversity happens? Have you experienced it, and if so, how did it go? How bad was your sickness, hardship, difficulty, danger, misfortune, or other harsh conditions, and how did you get through it?
Higher purpose, or baloney?
Could it be that there’s a higher purpose to adversity, like to refine and teach – maybe it’s a test? Yea, right, that’s ‘baloney’ you may be thinking. Regardless of what adversity might mean to you, would you agree that adversity does have the ability of either crushing you, and/or teaching and refining you to becoming, say, a better, or nicer person? How will you let adversity affect you? Is it really something you can actually control or choose how to handle? Will it make you a ‘better’ person, or will it destroy you, and your relationships – and the budget? So, which do you choose? How well will you endure through it? Will you ask for help or be foolish and try to get through it all by yourself? Candidly though, is there really a choice involved with this thing called adversity? It certainly feels like adversity comes when you might least expect it. Some say that life is a real test; in one minute you’re fine, the next minute, you’re in trouble. If it is like a test, are you passing or failing that test? How will adversity affect your financial well-being and budget?
Regardless of your adversity, things will be okay
Are you facing an illness, an accident or injury, an unexpected layoff, a natural disaster, an epidemic, a pandemic, a robbery, a drought, a fire, a flood, a tornado, an earthquake, a tsunami, a famine, a divorce, or some other calamity? Maybe it’s a situation where someone you love has passed away, or walked off. Of course, all these things can be devastating to your emotional, mental and temporal well-being, and to the parties involved, not to mention that of your budget. Adversity, or life happens. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s unfair, and ‘not right’. Yes, it’s overwhelmingly painful at times – beyond what anyone else can even begin to understand. But, here’s the deal: it’s okay. Things will be fine and they will work out just like the sun will come out in the morning. It really will. It may take some time, or a lot of time, but it will be okay, eventually; that day of the rising sun will finally come.
Finances going south, don’t sweat it
Yes, the budget will likely be dragged through the mud for a season or two, and some of the wonderful stuff you have accumulated may end up going away. But, if that’s necessary, just let it go. Don’t fight it too much because stuff, is just that, stuff. It does not make you who you are anyway, and it certainly isn’t necessary for you to become the finer person you will become because of adversity. Maybe your adversity will be seen and realized, eventually, as a blessing-in-disguise. Maybe you will be just fine without that nice place to live in, or that nice car to drive, or all the toys and nice clothes, or the sweet job. Maybe you’ll end up becoming a much better person.
Take a good look at what you’re willing to sacrifice
Looking back on an adversity event, you might see that you wore out your mental sanity, physical health, marriage and family relationships trying to hang on to all your stuff when adversity struck. But think about it first, before adversity strikes. Metal, glass, carpet, drywall, rubber, silk, jewels, money, prestige and the like; none of that is more important than yourself and your well-being, and you being a spouse, a parent, and a grandparent, right? Perhaps it makes sense to best prepare for those overwhelming times of adversity beforehand by saying something like: “Okay, come take the house, here are the keys; we’re going out for a walk and then for a bite to eat”. It’s still true that the creditors can repossess the stuff securing your unpaid loans, but they can’t eat you; life will go on.
Overwhelming adversity, asking for help
And when adversity strikes at those overwhelmingly heavy times, what about that? To whom do you turn to for help? To whom should you go for relief and strength? Whom do you worship? What’s stopping you from going to these resources? Do you not have a choice to ask for help? Is it that simple, as simple as a choice to ask for help? Simply put, going the prideful and pitiful route (and not asking for help), especially at those times when you’re struck with overwhelming adversity, you need to be humble and ask for help, okay? You still may not want to ask for it though, but you have to ask yourself if it is because of pride and feeling pitiful – regardless of the pain you may be experiencing. If you do succumb, that’s still being normal and not the end of the world. People are human. People are weak at times, and they make mistakes. So, on one hand it happens all the time, and that’s okay. But, still, too, that is no excuse. You may want to actually choose to not to go down that road, because there is a better path.
All is not lost – be an individual, spouse, parent, grandparent, friend
The way starts by making healthy decisions, and asking for help, because you need help. Your choices will have direct and possibly long-lasting consequences. Remember, you can enjoy being a wonderful individual, friend, child, spouse, parent, and grandparent – even with the heavy adversity and all. It may not be fixed right away, and that’s okay too. This is not a race, and there’s no hurry. You are what’s important here, and the lessons you’re perhaps learning, and the better person adversity will teach you to become. Your determination to overcome your adversity, and your choices will make all the difference in the world to you later on, to those you love, and who love you too. Choose life and family; nothing else matters as much, right? The adversity will be over before you know it, so choose to not sell out, but to humbly go through it. If you succumb and are sorely disappointed, it’s like falling off the horse; just get back up on the saddle in the morning. If you need help doing so, ask for it, and get it until you’re riding again. To overcome adversity, remember that it will pass; night does not last forever, the sun will come up and there will be a new day.
Keep your Tunabudget worksheet plan alive
As to your financial well-being, when adversity strikes, please keep your own Tunabudget worksheet alive and going. Adjust the numbers to the new reality regularly – regardless of how ugly it looks. Even enter numbers you’d like to see even though they’re not reality for today - ask for help to achieve the actual reality numbers, or the numbers you’d like to see. But, why go through the budget planning exercise when it no longer makes any economic sense to do so? Because. Because, it keeps you in the ownership position. You never let go of your life’s vision and plan for your financial well-being. Keeping your plan close to you shows that you are learning some humility and patience in life, and you know where you want to go and what your income and expenses need to be.
Adversity does not last forever
If you are asking for help already, you’re probably getting up in the morning, and you’re finding solutions; you’re not about to give in. You’re not going to give up. You’re not going to abandon yourself. You’re not going to abandon you spouse. You’re not going to abandon your children. You’re not going to lose your friends. You are going to find answers. You’re going to be around and you’re going to fight this through as a person, a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, and a friend. The world needs you. Anything is possible, and adversities don’t last forever, right?
Don’t look back and regret it; this is not a race
If you’re not asking for help, the last thing you want to do is to look back later on at a difficult time, see that you had given up, and abandoned all things most precious. There can be no such thing for you. But, in reality, maybe life has already happened to you, and you have been overcome by adversity. It’s okay. Your purpose is to rise above it if you haven’t already done so. There is no race here. Your legacy is just as important as the next person’s, and overcoming adversity, eventually, is a wonderful story that everyone can benefit from.
Get some rest, get back up on the horse
When your adversity hits though, get some sleep and get back up on the horse in the morning, and start moving forward again; it starts with lots of small choices and asking for help – even if you feel like you are carrying the horse yourself. Will your adversity drown you? No, it will not. You will overcome and work through it; period. You are in control and you know there’s a solution for this, but you have to choose to find solutions, and you have to ask for help. And while you are doing all that, put together and ponder the numbers on your Tunabudget worksheet, even if the numbers are the ones you’d just like to have. Use it as a plan to make the numbers turn into a financial reality of restored well-being as you learn to overcome and work through your adversity.
CANDID QUESTIONS
Are you experiencing adversity?
Are you willing choose humility over pride and pitifulness?
To whom can you, and should you, ask for help?
Have you asked for help? Why not?
Will you ask for help? When?